Absolute Failure

D and I had some no-baby time this past Saturday and decided to go for a mellow mountain bike ride. A ride I have done 100s of times, the trail he first told me he loved me and proposed. A ride that should take 45 mins. I was apprehensive when I had to walk my bike up the first hill. I was upset when I had to walk my bike down the first single track. I was tired, hurting all over, and just done. And I lost it. Tears, not quite sobbing, but definitely streaming, because I just couldn't do it. My ass hurt because I cannot fit into my padded mt biking shorts. My center of gravity was off because I haven't biked since before the pregnancy. I have lost so much of what I loved about me and this ride only reminded me of it all.

D is so supportive. I cannot even begin to explain how supportive of me he is. He was trying so hard to make me feel better, offering suggestions on getting back into shape, reminding me that we have a treadmill in the garage and a jogging stroller. He just doesn't understand that 15 lbs doesn't melt away. And that I have been trying to be more active. But N is teething and we are both not sleeping. I am just so tired. And really, let's be honest, kinda depressed, which does nothing for the motivation.

In the end, we finished the ride in 1 1/2 hours. I walked over half. But I didn't give up and I did make it back to the car. Plus we went to Ridge for wine tasting and a picnic after. Not a bad day, and it defintely gives me something to shoot for.

Goal 1: Saratoga Gap Trail- 45 min., no walking.